Cutting Edge

[shinnery]

I was reading Stans Dipstick Diaries and noticed a couple of entries from Cutting Edge. Has anybody heard from him in the last year or so?? He reported that he had been diagnosed with Cancer I think a while back but then he disappeared.
Bryce

[B Town]

Radio silent. I have not seen a post or heard from him. Makes be worry. Prayers to him and family.

[Lavoy]

It has been a while, maybe a year, I just can't remember, but he and I did correspond a little bit, but like I said, been a while.
Lavoy

[CuttingEdge]

I got an email from Lavoy, telling me about this topic, so I thought I would update everyone. I do appreciate the kind thoughts though. It has been awhile, so I am not sure where I left off., but it has been an interesting past three years though, so forgive the long post, but maybe this will be an interesting read. I hope so, I wrote a book about the whole ordeal!

About 3 years ago, I was logging on my farm and hit a spring pole. The resulting accident threw the saw back into my forehead, and I was lucky to make it out of the woods alive. But when I spent four days in the hospital, CAT Scans and MRI’s indicated I had a growth on my thyroid. I had it biopsied and it came back as negative, but when they removed my Thyroid in surgery, they noticed it had cancer all through it.

Cancer is interesting in that it zaps your strength, it takes three times more energy just fighting off the cancer, and that is at rest. Trying to work is incredibly tough, and logging through the winter to put food on the table was almost impossible. That was also when the town informed me, I had to pay my back taxes. I could not cut wood fast enough, and so I got a friend in to do the logging on my land for me.

I went to school with him, he even dated my sister at one time, and lived in the same town of me. In the end he cut 72 truckloads of wood, some $18,000 worth of wood, but never paid me. He was a gambling addict, and ended up stealing all the money; I never got paid a dime. So, I called in the Maine Forest Service, and they determined it was timber theft and tracked down where all the wood went. But none of that paid my property taxes, so that was when I sold my bulldozer, and most of my livestock to help pay the back taxes, it was my attempt to at least keep the farm.

[CuttingEdge]

About that same time, we got approached by some friends at church, and they “had an idea.” I should have run, because I know how these things go, but they wanted us to rent our house out to their adult children, and we could move across the street to another house we own. It was of my Late-Grandmother, and had been vacant for eleven years, but if we fixed it up, their kids would have a place to live, and we would get some extra income. We liked the idea, so we spent five weeks, and $2000 we really did not have, to make the house livable to move into.

Livable is a subjective word, as it had heat, electricity, water and that is about it. Had anyone seen it, it would have been condemned; it really was/is not fit to live in. Our four daughters did not want to move there, but we sweetened the pot by telling them they could have their own bedrooms. It is a Tiny House anyway, with postage stamps sized rooms, but four bedrooms at least. But this leads to a problem. Katie and I did not have a bedroom, so we ended up sleeping on the couch and recliner…not to mention getting awoken by the cat, kids going to the bathroom, mice, etc. It was horrible.

But just as we moved in, the friends we had came back and said they did not realize that they would have to pay for the heat, the utilities too, so they said they did not want to rent the house out anymore. We had literally just moved our stuff the week before, so this left the bigger, better house vacant, and us trying to heat two places, and not having any money because I could not do a lot work-wise.

[CuttingEdge]

It was a really rough November, and just before Thanksgiving we hit a pretty low spot, we did not even have money for food, and ended up going hungry one night. We just had nothing left; for livestock, for food, for money, nothing. But some friends from church gave us a Thanksgiving basket, and that was the only night we went without food at least. You do not think things like that happen anymore, but we fell through the cracks. We learned later that the year before we got a conservation grant for soil erosion, and the state had thought we got that money every year, and so they thought the farm made money the year before. We actually made $6500 for a family of six! Most families that size make that in a month, that was what we made all year!

As for the logger that stole my wood, that went to court, but while he was court ordered to repay me $1800 in restitution per month, he never paid a thing, so they arrested him, and put him in jail for three days until he could bail himself out. At the same time, they ordered him to pay me $625 per month until it was fully repaid, and a $2000 fine. At the same time, other landowners had heard about the case, and as the Forest Service told me, in going back four years, the statue of limitations, they could not find one landowner he had ever paid. The logger owed thousands upon thousands to a hundred people or more in the community. The banks were not getting their money either, and finally came in one Saturday and repossessed all his logging equipment.

But the logger never finished school so he cannot read or write, so when one of his skidders broke down cutting my wood he thought the computer went on it, and abandoned it on my farm. He could not read schematics, and did not have the money to hire a mechanic to help fix the problem. So that skidder had sat for a year at my place.

But I had more bad news, and in three days’ time in November 2018, we went hungry, because I mentioned we had no money, food or livestock. That was on a Wednesday. Then on Thursday we had to go to the hospital because Katie passed our baby boy, unfortunately it was “passed” because it was a still-born, and so it was never really born. That was sad enough, but the very next day I had a doctor’s appointment as a follow-up, and they told me indicators had gone up, and they had found a tumor on my brain. Three days of just devastating news.

Pituitary Cancer is the rarest form of cancer there is, 300 cases per year out of 300 million people in this country. But that was the reason I was tired, and why I was having seizures, the tumor was pressing on my brain stem!

[CuttingEdge]

Still we made it through Christmas of 2018, and was trying to get help at Dartmouth Hitchcock medical center, but even they said there is nothing they can do. There is a 50/50 chance of survival for that particular operation since it is located on the brain side of my Pituitary Gland. So, I take high doses of medication to shrink it, and then synthetic replacements for what my squished pituitary is not producing for my body.

I also got a call from the bank who held the note on the skidder, and they wanted to come and pick it up. We had a very long talk, but I told them just what the logger had done, and that if they wanted the skidder they could have it, but there was a slight matter of a storage fee, and that was $30 per day, or at that time, it being $8800. They were mad, but after realizing they were not getting anywhere, they said they were abandoning the skidder. I got a mechanic in, and it just ended up being a fusible link in the battery cable that had shorted out some fuses. We swapped out the cable and some fusses and it shifted into gear just fine. I called everyone, and no one knew what to do. So finally, the Sheriff told me it was between me and the bank, and since they said they were abandoning it, it was mine. So, I sold the skidder, and was never so happy to see a piece of equipment go down the road as that skidder.

At this time, we figured since we were still living in the Tiny House, and our house across the street was vacant, we should sell it. We own that house outright, and if we sold it, and the land it sat on, we would at least be able to pay off all our debts and at least be debt-free which is not so bad at 44 years old. So, we got a realtor, and put our home up for sale.

[CuttingEdge]

In the spring of 2019 we cleaned up, and fixed up our house to sell, and yet despite 35 couples touring our home, and getting four offers to buy it, for various reasons they all fell through. When October came, Katie and I figured if we were going to heat the house anyway, we minds well move back into the bigger, much nicer home, and so after a year of Tiny House living, we moved back in, and Katie and I finally had a bedroom and a bed again!

Katie also got approved for a low-income education grant, and got her license to do nursing, and now works at a nursing home. And I finally went to the career center and asked what they had for farmers. I found out, I am what they call a Disabled Farmer because of my cancer, and for no fault of my own, can no longer farm. I qualify for a bunch of stuff, but we are not sure what I am going to do yet, maybe go back to college, maybe do some on the job training, I am not really sure.

Right now, I am logging again, but I cannot do much. I used to cut 10 cord per day, a load of wood, or about seventy trees. Back then I could cut seven trees, and then would need a break. But when I was sick, I could only cut three trees before taking a break. Now I have to take three breaks for every tree. I fell it, and take a break. I limb it, and take a break. I hook it to the skidder, and take a break. It is horrible, but it is the only way I can get wood out. So now I get out about three cord (twenty-one trees) and I am done for the day. But in three days’ time, I can get a load out, and at least contribute to the family. I knew something was wrong, and last week they found my cancer has spread to my lymph nodes. Boy, that is enough to make a man mad; three years, and three kinds of cancer.

Written down I know it does not seem like it was that bad, but listed out, it kind of shows our loss:

My health
My ability to work
My finances
Our Equipment
Our Livestock
Our unborn Child

[CuttingEdge]

But not everything was bad. About six years ago I discovered a map from 1873 that showed a mine four miles west of me, then another mine four miles east of me. In that same year they blasted a cut through a hillside just past my house, and I noticed it was laced with quartz. I assumed that if they found gold in the stream at the bottom of the hill, then surely, I must have it on my farm. Last year with nothing else to do, I decided to see if I could find it.

Last November I was so exhausted from cancer that I could not go to the outcropping I thought it would be, but knew of an outcropping of rock down in a ravine pretty close to the house. I made it, and I will be darned if I did not find gold.

I would have been happy with that, but we serve a loving God. and I am content because I have sampled twenty-two locations now, and three-quarters of them have gold…proven by assay. Then on March 20th of 2019, I was panning a small stream close to a lode deposit that had tested pretty hot for gold, silver and zinc. In my pan was a palladium nugget. PLADDIUM. And not just Palladium, but as a nugget! I will never forget the day since that was when palladium went to an all time high, some $280 per ounce higher than gold, or $1540 per troy ounce. I called the geologists and they said they were not surprised I found it. Maine is one of twenty places in the world where palladium is found. (Part of the Platinum Group metals)

So last winter I sat down and wrote a book about it all; of fighting cancer, enduring life like Job (from the bible), but also finding medium grade gold ore, high grade zinc ore, and palladium. It may seem like a boring book, but this is a web post so I am leaving a lot of details out.

But the thing is, every time we hit a set of troubles, God spoke in a quiet voice and just asked Katie and I, “Am I enough?”

As a Christian we all know what the answer should be, but when you have gone hungry, lost a baby, had to sell your equipment, have no more livestock on the farm, and got cancer three times, it is not so easy to say.

I still have no clear answers at this time, that is, will we will get everything back like Job did? I am just saved by grace, and deserve nothing.

But I have come to the conclusion, that through it all, Jesus is enough. That is why I called the book Greater than Gold. In retrospect, finding 5-1/2 grams to the ton of gold ore is nothing compared to my son who probably has a nursery paved with gold in heaven. As the bible says, he cannot come to me, but someday I will go to him.

Greater than Gold…because I learned the hard way, Jesus is enough.

[Lavoy]

I struggle with how to respond, absolutely nothing I can say means anything, or helps anything, I am just floored at what has transpired since I talked to you last. I would like to offer my heartfelt apologies for not contacting you sooner to see how you are doing. I know it would have changed nothing whether it was then or now, but at least would like you to know that I was thinking of you, I am ashamed I did not do it sooner.
If you would please, post once in a while, you have a lot of friends here that care, even if you have never met them, and they would love to hear from you. Whether you have a crawler or not has nothing to do with coming to visit once in a while.
I pray for your recovery and better days ahead.
Lavoy

[CuttingEdge]

That is okay, it is my fault for not coming on here. I know it is okay to talk about other equipment sometimes, and I do plenty of work with skidders, tractors, and excavators.

But all this has been good too because you get a different perspective on things. Like all summer I ended up getting contracts to mow the sides of the road for towns with a boom mower. I ended up whacking off this tree that is about an inch in diameter in the ditch of the road in this one place, and this guy comes out, hands on his hips, staring at the stump, taking pictures, emailing them to the town, calling the town, then looks at me, starts yelling at me.

Really?

I got four kids, a wife, and brain cancer, I WISH I had this guys problems. One cut off tree in the ditch of the road that did not even belong to him (within the towns right of way), and he is getting upset like that? I just started laughing, and walked away. A cut off sapling...I am laughing now about it.

But I also am aware that while I have had some troubles, others have it far worse than me. The guy that penned the hymn "It is well with my soul", lost all four of his children when a ship sank. I feel kind of glum about losing a baby, this guy lost all of his kids and accepted it well. I need to be more like that guy, so I have a longgggggggggggggg way to go.

But I cheated...I skipped ahead in the bible and read the last chapter: We Win!

[Stan Disbrow]

Hi,

Man. I am in the same boat as Lavoy. I just don't know quite what to say. Except maybe the phrase we used back in my fire and rescue days: Don't sweat the small stuff, and if you're still breathing, it is all small stuff. Sounds silly, I know. But, we were all folks who had gotten into situations where there wasn't a single breath of air to breathe. And, that makes a huge difference in one's outlook on life.

So, I wish you all the best and please keep on breathing.

Stan

[CuttingEdge]

That is okay Stan, I was not looking for any sympathies or anything, someone asked so I thought I would share the whole story.

[CuttingEdge]

But with that being said, I am really not surprised that many of you had concern for me over the last few months. I think sometimes we get caught up in the fact that we are on computers, but I am not so sure that we should. I look at this forum as being no different than if Lavoy invited us all by, and so everyday we stop by his shop, roll out an old set of idlers off an old 1010, and sit around the old potbellied stove.

Some of you have many different old John Deere bulldozers, and some just have one. Myself, I had to sell mine, but hey, I had one; I am still invited here. Still others have other machines, by other makes, and occasionally ask a question about an old Clark Skidder, or a Michigan Loader, or dare I even say it…a Caterpillar bulldozer? (LOL)

Some people have a lot to say, and some not so much, some even come into the ole shop and not say much at all…lurkers they are called, but they are still invited. In fact, they think they do not have much to contribute, but I think they do. And yet others just pop in once to ask a quick question, and are never heard again. And of course, some people get on here in the morning with a cup of coffee in hand, while others do some bulldozer chatting on their lunch breaks, and others; at the end of the day,

Not very often, things get out of hand, and Lavoy has to step in and say something, I mean it is his place after all, and we must show respect. But along the way, we try and get a long, maybe not always agreeing, but when you talk with people enough, it is like you know them, and goodness…we all care. Even in the more spirited conversations, it is because people really want the best for the person’s machine that is broke, it is just a difference of opinion on how to fix it. But after a while, you here the same name, like my wife Katie for instance, or that I have four daughters and soon people really feel like they know one another…and we kind of do.

I have only met one guy on here, and I wish I could remember his username, but I can only remember his real name. I will not say it, but he was from Vermont, and took me under his wing and gave me John Deere Bulldozer University one Saturday morning. A real nice guy, and every time I am in New Hampshire I would like to go see him, but even from there it is a three-hour trip. But I bought him lunch once,a nd for everyone on here, yeah I would buy you all coffee, and would love to shake your hands.

Now in real life, we are all over the nation, and in other countries too. And we are at our computers typing away, but when I log onto this site, that is how I look at it; like we are all hanging around the back of Lavoy’s shop, having some coffee, talking about bulldozers.

[77 Ford]

That is a powerful testimony and one everyone should read, I'm glad you are headed in the right direction and hope you have more good days than bad ahead.

If you ever publish your book, I'd love to read it.

Best wishes,