Tool Definitions

[DiggerLarry]

Just so we all know the proper use of all those tools in your shop:

Tools


(1) DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

(2) WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

(3) PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

(4) HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

(5) VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

(6) OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

(7) WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

(8) HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

(9) EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2 X 4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

(10) PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

(11) SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot.

(12) E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

(13) TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

(14) CRAFTSMAN x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

(15) AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

(16) PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

(17) PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

(18) HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses an inch too short.

(19) HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

[mailtrain]

larry you are right on with the tools.One thing more about the hammer is the words after you hit the fingers or thumb. OUCH

[Trucker Dan]

Amen on the easy outs, I have never had one work yet . They ain't easy and nothing ever comes out.

[digitup]

Gees thanks guys that just reminded me the the neighbor is coming over tonight to the shop to get me to take a broken easyout out of a broken bolt in his hydraulic pump I swear that those things brake easier than the bolt would break its trying to pull .Digitup.

[shinnery]

The best thing I ever saw used on a broken EZ-Out was a EDM machine. Thats Electron Discharge Machining. If the item with the broken piece in it can be gotten into the EDM machine< it will remove the broken part slickly. Maybe a plasma cutter aimed at he end??
Bryce

[Lavoy]

TRouble with a plasma cutter is if the arc deflects, it will cut into the housing or whatever surrounds the offending bolt that you really do not want to cut. Of course, that is no suprise either is it?
Lavoy